I practically ran to get my boys totell them to get ready. Cha'relle had brought James to help, and Jamessaid that he wanted to make sure that we looked presentable as blackladies for our "debut" tomorrow."So he's the one who has been turning you into a queer," muttered Ryan."I think We'll have 3 very pretty black girls very soon," saidCha'relle. I tittered a bit. I was wearing pantyhose and pantiesunder my jeans right now, and I was actually getting "aroused," withthe tight friction against my nylon panties, just by thinking aboutwhat was about to happen."We're ready to go," I told Cha'relle.Cha'relle looked at Ryan and said, "Do you want to go first, youngman?" No, wait," said Ryan, suddenly shaking, "I can't do it, I just can't."He took a few steps backward. "I changed my mind," he said."Come on Ryan, don't be a wuss," said Tommy. "Me and dad are doingit." Ryan," I said, "You agreed and made a commitment. You can't back outnow." I'm sorry," he said, almost ready to cry,. She shook her head and adjusted so that her cloak was more tightly wrapped around her. She looked over both shoulders to reassure herself that she was completely alone as she talked to herself. ‘He said that he still loved me, and he wanted me, but only if he was the only one I loved and devoted myself to. Wasn’t that what our vows were all about? I mean, I don’t blame him…I know that there is no way for him to know or tell that I still love him or even care for him with the way I’ve been treating him and the lack of contact I have made. I hate my need for defending myself! He was becoming distant, so I pulled all the way back, and now I don’t know where to go from here…’ She started tapping one fist on her forehead as she muttered, calling herself names. She felt ridiculous that she even had to think about it. She had made her vows, she had put the effort into it. She just had to return to that. She had to remember what it was like to be with him, to kiss him, to hold him, and know.
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